The Jesus Puppets

by

Zelig X

---

Oh we Oh, Ohhhh Oh, Oh we Oh, Ohhhh Oh

Would you cut that out?

Is this thing on? Test, test, one two three, test test. Jamison, there seems to be some distortion, could you fix that? Test, test, one two three, test test. There now, that’s better, could you give me a countdown?

Hello Ladies and Gentlemen and welcome to Zelig’s fireside Theatre, with tonight’s feature, "The Jesus Puppets". This evening's performance will begin after a brief message from one of our sponsors.

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And now, we begin tonight's presentation, "The Jesus Puppets".

The air was cold and still, the night darker than usual, owing to the thick fog that had settled on this city by the bay. Walking past closed shop windows, my mind slowly turned over recent events, the layoffs and flared tempers at my job, the recent fights with my wife. It occurred to me as I strolled along that all of nature was conspiring against me. The fog which had so recently descended upon and darkened my city seemed to mirror the fog which had so recently descended upon my own life. It was with a heavy heart that I walked this night. I sought diversion. But, all the shops had closed early and I found myself staring absently through shop windows. There I would stand; thinking of events until eventually some object on display would break through my consciousness. I would find myself staring a moment, a moment of relief as the object diverted my attention and then again I would turn to walk and again return to my troubled thoughts. Until arriving at the next window and repeating the sequence.

It was perhaps an hour into this melancholy walk that when once again roused from my own thick fog of despair, I found myself staring at a hideously carved puppet. The sign next to the display advertised simply, Jesus Puppet. "Jesus Puppet", I spoke out loud to myself. I leaned nearer the window, the display momentarily obscured by a reflection of myself, I peered at the puppet, studying it’s crude design. What a simple work, Jesus Puppet in deed, it looked nothing like it’s namesake. An obvious work of devious genius, I reflected to myself and then halted as I remembered that I had seen one of these before. All at once, I recalled that it was in the local paper when a building of some religious organization was burned to the ground. The only clue that had been left behind was one of these Jesus Puppets, which somehow linked the arson to a rival organization known as… know as... But, that was all the details of the article that I could remember. That a building had been burned and a picture of one these puppets that had been left behind. I stared at the ground a moment trying to recapture the story and failing, took another look at the puppet on display. Odd, I thought, and turned to resume my walk. And still, I could not shake the image of the puppet and the sinister implications it carried.

I resumed my walk in a growing cloud of despair and foreboding, something sinister was eating it’s way into me. I turned events over, making loose connections and somehow always, my thoughts returning to the Jesus Puppet and the news article; which I still couldn’t fully remember. It was as if I felt myself plummeting into some dark intrigue. Suddenly, a withered woman tugged at my sleeve, first asking for change, and then as I brushed her aside she began to sing, "Roll me over in the clover, roll me over in the clover, well, roll me over in the clover, brush me off and do it again". Walking on and ignoring her curses, I looked up to take my bearings. Lights glowed and waned in roiling fog and faintly, the sound of distant music seemed to beckon me onward. Impulsively, I walked towards the music, glad to be moving with some direction, away from the woman and away from the puppets. The music grew louder, soon, I found myself standing before a playhouse. People in long jackets were climbing out of a van and milling about. Feeling much heartened to once again be among the living, I reached into my pocket, thoughtlessly extracting some change which I exchanged for a ticket.

We hope that you have been enjoying tonight's presentation of "The Jesus Puppets" brought to you by Zelig's Fireside Theatre. We will now pause for a brief message from one of our sponsors.

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We now return to tonight's presentation of "The Jesus Puppets".

As I stepped into the dimly lit vestibule of the playhouse, an elderly gentleman held out his hand for my ticket then guided me towards a curtained entrance, "Right this way, sir." I thanked the old gentleman and stepped through the curtain, pausing momentarily as my eyes adjusted to the darkness. I noticed movement in the peripheral, somebody coughed, but the auditorium was otherwise sparsely populated. "Is there no escape from this interminable misery?" I wondered as I searched out a seat near the middle of the auditorium. As I took my seat, the stage curtain swept back and a man dressed in early nineteenth century attire stepped forth to welcome the audience.

"Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen to this evenings presentation of "The Lord of the Puppets" by Sir Winston Smith, performed by the Geek's New Age Travelling Puppet Company. The man bowed and stepped off to the right.

As the lights adjusted, an ominous music filled the theatre, I settled into an uneasy position in my seat, half ready to get up to flee and half ready to remain sitting. The stage was suddenly illumined with red light and a great figure dressed in black immerged upon the stage. The ominous quality of the music increasing by degrees as the figure demonstrated it’s might, taking great turns about the stage, as it wheeled about, I studied it’s costume, complete with cape and mask, a great shoe shine chamomile sat upon it’s head. This must be the Lord of the puppets I thought and as it reached to the right, thunder and lightning was produced to the right. It then reached to the left and thunder and lightning was produced to the left. I felt myself sliding back into the chair, enjoying the strange performance. The creature on stage continued it’s strange dance of power and might, again and again, reaching to the left or the right and producing thunder and lightning to either side. The music continued to gain momentum and ever increasing ominous proportions and suddenly ceasing, dying to a low roar, the creature on stage stopped and whirled, it’s cape following, cast it’s glance towards the audience it’s eyes glowing red, and falling at last upon…. Me…

"Zelig!" The beast roared and with horror I gripped my chair as the floor gave out beneath my feet and my chair flew toward the stage. I found myself unable to control myself, I screamed, "Nooooooooooo."

I stood upon the stage and slowly turning to face the audience, I beheld an army of…Jesus Puppets….

The Lord of the Puppets behind me, I felt his eyes burning through my back and his voice boomed…."It is no small thing, the offer I make you this night! All you have is but to accept!" The Lord of the Puppets spoke to all, even me, as if he spoke to each one individually.

The Jesus Puppets rose up and advanced towards the stage, surrounding and suffocating me, floating about my head. In a spell of terror, linking hands, we formed a circle about the stage and danced, the Lord of the Puppets called out, "Yes my child, you will accept my offer?" I and the Puppets danced in a circle, ever turning faster, chanting over and over, "Three times three times three, now the Lord of the Jesus Puppets is me, so mote it be." Finally, I could no longer maintain the speed and falling to the floor, the puppets rushed in and standing over me, till the Master yelled, "Back fools!" and they cleared away, revealing the great black clad figure, red eyes glaring, staring down upon me, his voice thunders, "And now, have you decided? Make no mistake my child, it is no small thing I have offered you this night." As he speaks, I find myself back in the audience, sitting amongst the Jesus Puppets, and the Lord of the Puppets is again speaking to all, even me, as if speaking to each one individually. "I offer you mine own power, to rise above the faceless masses of your race, for you are the one chosen to be their Master, for they are all miserable little Jesus Puppets, all you have is but to accept!" An evil nature stole over me and recognizing it as my own, I gave it reign. I saw it all, how I would wield power over the masses, I was the chosen one! An ecstatic fever rushed through the audience, the Jesus puppets eyes glazed and burned, now I was them as they were me as you are me and we are all together, sitting on a cornflake waiting for the van to come.

The End

Dec 1998