Bruce Ivans – The Movie (in Zelig’s head)

Bruce Ivans – The Movie (in Zelig’s head)

"This ain't no party, this ain't no disco, this ain't no foolin around"

A way slimmed down Phillip Seymour Hoffman plays Ivins… In a flashback Ivins is talking w/his female psychiatrist about his anger at Congress for not allotting enough test monkeys for his research. Pushing his glasses up his nose a glassy-eyed and bit – I mean; pushing his Versace designer eye-glasses up the BRIDGE of his nose a glassy-eyed and bitter Ivins looks away from his psychiatrist and mumbles, “If Congress won’t give me monkeys I’ll make monkeys out of them.” A bemused “in on the joke” psychiatrists repeats, “Monkey’s of Congress”. Suddenly Ivin’s turns on his psychiatrist, staring thru her, speaking in a dead, um… deadly dead pan voice, “And if you dare repeat a word of this to anyone, you had better be very VERY careful about opening your mail.”

The two stare at each other in uncomfortable silence for a moment before the scene cuts away to the present where the psychiatrist has just finished relating her story to the very serious, very serious business suit FBI agents. FBI agent (described in credits as FBI agent No. 1, aka Waldo) asks, “Why didn’t you inform us of this seven years ago? You could have saved the lives of five innocent American Citizens. You will have to live with this for the rest of your life.” A downtrodden psychiatrist (FBI code name, “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds”; Lucy for short.) and an overbearingly serious FBI type dude stare at each other in uncomfortable silence for a moment before the scene cuts away to sometime in the past…

… Where Ivins is in his study looking all creepy (You know, all professional and scientific looking by day – and all creepy and evil schemy looking at night behind a locked door in his study – And all those many years poor Mrs. Ivins never knows) and cutting out words and letters from magazines and taping them to envelopes…. Having liberally treated himself w/his own “cure” he tests a sample of each pile of anthrax w/his tongue before sprinkling the deadly dose of spores into the carefully prepared envelopes…

Cut to the government official… (because this is one of those jumpy hard to follow movies that goes all Oliver Stone JFK / Nixon or maybe David Lynch Mulholand Drive “designed” to make you more confused at the end of the movie than you were coming in so the critics say, “This is one that will leave you thinking long after the curtains close. Two thumbs up!”)… The government official reads the above to the press and its “sold” as the official story… Cut to Ivins lying silently on his bed as the camera pans over to a giant prescription bottle of Tylenol-Codeine… fade out for several seconds…

Open to video archive from the early days of the Bush administration (OMG ~ So 2000)… And then it all gets too weird and convoluted for even me to put together… A secret meeting at the Bush ranch complete w/sinister wealthy influential personages, drunken debauchery, strippers, Bush doing lines of coke and Cheney pointing his rifle at anything that moves… After several days of this they finally settle down for the lets kick out Saddam so we can get at the Iraqi National Museums to obtain the Extraterrestrial Mesopotamia dawn of civilization documents and artifacts ~ TOP SECRET MEETING ~ and both Bush and Cheney have one hell of a hangover.

See where this is going? Oh… It’s time for Coast to Coast AM…

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Left on the cutting room floor a tipsy moment w/a grinning cowboy hat/boots and city-slicker business suited G dubbya ~ his arm around an awkward in heels Condalleezza Rice’s waist.

Following the “ABOVE TOP SECRET MEETING (I forgot to mention that earlier, i.e. “Above” Top Secret) a wild-eyed coked-out Bush pleads, “Talk to me Rovey! I don’t know anything about space saucers and little green men from Mars. Why would we go to Iraq for anything but oil?”

In an inexplicable it’s a small world after-all scene (it doesn’t mean anything but it’s provocative); Bruce Ivan’s mysterious GOP connections are revealed as he and Mark Foley (R-Fla.) share a secret (above secret ~ below top secret) Washington DC residence w/three MIA page-boys (presumed runaways) chained in the basement aka “Love Nest” aka “Dungeon” aka “Anthraxagon”. The boys are forced to eat fast food and dress in drag complete w/dresses and makeup as Ivans and Foley attempt to play out some sick and twisted Monica Lewinsky sex fantasy. The movie didn’t want to go there but it had to go there because… well, truth is stranger than fiction. (They later claim they thought the boys were having fun, too.) In a corner of the dungeon locked away in a Cobalt ES-031D fireproof safe is a (Thirty-Three Degree) Mason jar holding the DNA of one John Edwards to be used to produce an army of clone/love children, one inflatable love doll, fuzzy handcuffs, pictures of Ann Coulter (who can figure that? Sick Bastards), and video evidence (very convincing look-alikes) ~ combination affixed to the outside to be opened in case of emergency ONLY… You can’t just make this stuff up, people.


Nancy Pelosi’s Multi-Culti-Liberal-Progressive-Tree-Hugging-Hollywood-Crowd Mafia (Including Hillary & Bill Clinton, Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Ted Kennedy, Michelle Obama, Oprah Winfrey, and Gavin Newsom) wanted me to drop one more name in my movie; John McCain. “They” wanted a scene w/a Pre-GOP nominated John McCain rubbing a balloon on his head to build up a static charge for good luck… But I told them that while not actually aiming at factuality I’m also not trying to put my audience to sleep. Sorry Multi-Culti-Liberal-Progressive-Tree-Hugging-Hollywood-Crowd Mafia. But I’m nobody’s B.

Special mention to Woody Allen.


….



Prologue:

-----Original Message-----
From: David [mailto:djenkins@zeligx.com]
Sent: Friday, August 01, 2008 6:26 PM
To: 'bcapple@aol.com'; Swatland, David. J. (David.J.Swatland@uscg.mil); 'David. J.'; MARY JENKINS; Jenkins, Stephen (stevejenkins_74@hotmail.com)
Subject: Interesting - Bruce E. Ivans

I was just doing a web search on Bruce E. Ivans and came across the following;

From Bump Shack
“Where the news always bumps”
http://www.bumpshack.com/2008/08/01/anthrax-scientist-bruce-e-ivins-commits-suicide/


Post from “armillary”, August 01, 2008, 6:12

I believe that time will tell that Ivins was a conservative pawn, enlisted by nutcase neocons bent on ousting Saddam Hussein from power in Iraq. The anthrax was likely prepared by Ivins and sent to make it look like agents of the Iraqi government did it, to invent a case for invading Iraq. The timing was amazingly bad though, because in between the time the anthrax was mailed and arrived at its intended victims, the 9/11 attacks occurred. But rather than suggest the possibility that Saddam’s government might have sent the anthrax, which many would have certainly believed, the Bush administration played down the anthrax attacks and used other flimsy evidence in its rush to war. Why? Because the anthrax attacks were a clumsy attempt by nutcase neocons from Maryland trying to play patriot and give the Bush administration the justification it wanted to invade Iraq. Any serious investigation would have quickly unraveled this cheap black bag job. Ultimately I believe Roscoe Bartlett (R-MD), who represents Ivins district, knows more than he has said and should be questioned in this matter.


This was in response to the following;

Scientist Bruce E. Ivins is believed to have committed the terrorist attacks via the mail using deadly anthrax back in 2001. The federal government was about to file charges against Ivins for the mailed attacks. Ivins has now killed himself according to Fox News.
The scientist, Bruce E. Ivins, 62, who worked for the past 18 years at the government’s biodefense labs at Fort Detrick, Md., had been told about the impending prosecution, the Los Angeles Times reported for Friday editions. The laboratory has been at the center of the FBI’s investigation of the anthrax attacks, which killed five people.
Ivins died Tuesday at Frederick Memorial Hospital in Maryland. The Times, quoting an unidentified colleague, said the scientist had taken a massive dose of a prescription Tylenol mixed with codeine.
Tom Ivins, a brother of the scientist, told The Associated Press that another of his brothers, Charles, told him Bruce had committed suicide.
Ivins was an expert on anthrax inhalation and had published many papers on the topic. He was a leading expert in the field.
He saved the government a lot of time and money by taking his own life. He was a coward in life and was in taking his life as well.
…

Hmm ??? ~ I love a good conspiracy theory ~ I’m sure this will be discussed ad-nauseam on Coast to Coast AM (The place where insomniacs hang out).

Zelig X

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Epilogue:

Just have to add; On the one hand, it’s the classical conspiracy theme where the otherwise top of his game leading government scientist researching vaccines and cures for anthrax exposure; employed at the Army's biological warfare defense labs at Fort Detrick, Md. For THIRTY-FIVE YEARS (OR - Fourteen years via other media sources) is set up by the evil government conspirators to be revealed as an unstable homicidal scientist hell bent on … uh (winding down) … bending hell… On the other hand, if the government was in on the joke in the first place and given that the American public had pretty much forgotten about the anthrax incidents anyway… Why did “they” continue to pursue it all these years ~ Only to potentially bring something to light that they would (winding down again) rather leave in (this is lame) the… dark (?) …

Something about a razor… Ockham??? Well, it’ll make for a good movie someday


…

Cast of characters (and/or dropped names/products) (in order of appearance)

Zelig X – Freelance journalist, birthday party cowboy for hire
The Talking Heads (Life During Wartime)
Bruce Ivans, aka "I have enough anthrax to take out every living organism in the state of Rhode Island but this bottle of Tylenol-Codeine goes so much better with milk and pepsi" Ivans
Phillip Seymour Hoffman
Bruce Ivan's female Psychiatrist
Gianni Versace reference
Beatle's reference
Congress, Monkeys, Gumint O-fficials, Waldo, FBI Agents
Five DEAD innocent American Citizens
Mrs. Ivins
Oliver Stone
JFK
Nixon
David Lynch
Ebert & Roeper reference
Bush Administration
Bush Ranch
Strippers
Coca-Cola
Sinister wealthy influential personages, aka Illuminati, aka Masonic Order, aka Bohemian Grove, aka skull and crossbones, aka Bilderburgs, aka Microsoft
George "dubbya" Bush, aka (your sentiment here)
Cheney, Dick (one each), Big Man w/a gub, Dead Eye Dick's Gun Club; http://www.dickcheneygunclub.com/
Saddam Hussein (RIP)
Coast to Coast AM – Art, George, Ian
Condalleezza Rice
Carl Rove
Little Green Men from Mars, aka LGMFM
Disneyland reference, Disney [Ticker symbol: DIS]
Mark Foley (R. Fla.)
Monica Lewinsky, aka "Hot Lips" Houlihan
John Edwards
John Edward's clone/love child (army)
Ann Coulter [vomit – oh yeah, I forgot to mention our (other) commercial sponsors; Pepto Bismol and Tylenol]
… I'm tired …
Nancy Pelosi
The Bill and Hillary (Clinton)
Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure (aka Keanu Reeves)
Ted Kennedy
Michelle Obama
Oprah Winfrey
Gavin "Any two-some" Newsom
John McCain
Woody Allen