No Eternal Reward. No Karma Points.

I’ve been reading Richard Dawkin’s, God Delusion. And it’s made so much sense to me that I’ve decided to be an Atheist. I’ve decided to give up my former New-Age Buddhist beliefs. I don’t even think I can believe in Karma anymore…. Everything in fact, as much as I would like to believe it to be I have to weigh against if it’s just something I would like to be or if it really has any evidence.

A long time ago we were in San Diego, my family with my dad, and we were standing outside waiting for our name to be called to eat at The Old Spaghetti Factory. I gave some spare change to a homeless person and my dad got “all mad” at me. When we went inside my dad angrily pointed at a sign that read, “Don’t give money to beggars. It only encourages them.” – Or something to that effect. My dad has always had this issue w/the homeless… I almost want to say that I was raised w/the point of view that they deserve it because they earned it – but I don’t know if that’s a true memory or statement.

Yesterday, I ran out to the city to pick up Paige to bring her home for the weekend. She was starving. All she had eaten all day long was a brownie for breakfast. We were stuck in heavy traffic and ended up stopping at the Denny’s in Emeryville. I had a bacon cheddar cheeseburger and walked out of Denny’s feeling fat, dumb, and happy. I had walked out ahead of Paige to have a cigarette and a short distance from my car was a homeless man with a sign and his dog.

I went to my car and lit up and looked back over at the man and his dog… and his sign. And all the words of my father and that Old Spaghetti Factory sign were playing in my head. And I don’t know what came over me but I took a dollar out of my back pack and walked over and handed it to him. He was so damn dirty I was afraid that our hands would touch. He just burst out, “God bless you”. I said, “Good luck” and walked away quickly.

Then, I went back and offered him a cigarette and a light… and before I knew it I struck up a conversation with him. He told me that he was hoping to catch a train and make his way to Redmond. I was overwhelmed at his openness, how intelligently he spoke, and how dirty he was…

Before we left I went back and handed him another cigarette and my lighter. “I have lots of lighters.”

I didn’t do that for Karma points or because of a belief in God. Before I gave him that dollar I had looked at him and thought of myself. What if that was me? Who would help me and why should they help me?

What if that was all that Jesus and the Buddha taught? No eternal reward. No Karma points. You just help people because (fill in the blank).

Still - I choked back tears on the drive home thinking that where that man is – is where the middle class of the United States is heading. Here’s a fucking dollar for your troubles. Good luck.

Dj